One of the things I’ve come to understand through my work with Pachamama Tributes is that every farewell is as unique as the person it honors. For some families, the act of scattering ashes is not just a singular moment, but a shared experience—one that can be spread across different locations, times, and ceremonies. I’ve seen families take this final step in beautiful, personal ways, using mini urns so that each member can have their own intimate moment of saying goodbye.
Recently, I worked with a family who chose to divide their loved one’s ashes into mini urns, each person scattering the ashes at a different location that held special meaning for them. What struck me most was how they all came together at the same time, but in different places—each creating their own personal ceremony while feeling connected to one another. It was a touching reminder that there is no single way to say goodbye, and that scattering ashes can be both personal and collective.
Here are some of the ways families can create personal ceremonies when sharing ashes:
1. Individual Ceremonies in Meaningful Locations
One of the most beautiful things about dividing ashes into mini urns is the ability for each family member to choose a location that is personally meaningful to them or to the loved one they are honoring. I’ve seen families scatter ashes at places like:
- A favorite park or beach where they spent time together.
- A place of spiritual significance, like a mountain or a forest.
- Their own garden or home, where they feel closest to the person they’ve lost.
Each person can create their own personal ritual, whether it’s a quiet moment of reflection, saying a few words, or simply letting the ashes go in a place that feels right.
In the case of the family I mentioned earlier, each member found their own spot—one was by the sea, another at a park where they used to walk together. At the same time, across different locations, they scattered the ashes while feeling connected by the shared love they had for the person they were honoring.
2. Coordinating Ceremonies at the Same Time
While the physical locations may be different, many families find comfort in the idea of coordinating the timing of their personal ceremonies. This way, even though they are scattered across different places, they feel united in that moment. I’ve seen families choose a specific date and time—perhaps an anniversary, a birthday, or just a day that feels significant—and each person scatters their portion of the ashes in their chosen spot.
In one touching example, a family I worked with recently timed their ceremonies to all happen at sunset. Each person, wherever they were, took a few moments to watch the sun go down and release the ashes, knowing that their loved one was being honored by each of them at the same time. It was a way to create a sense of unity, even though they were physically apart.
3. Creating Personal Rituals with Mini Urns
Mini urns also allow each person to create a unique, personal ritual that resonates with them. While the main ceremony may involve scattering ashes in a larger, shared setting, individual ceremonies offer the opportunity to tailor the moment to reflect personal emotions and connections.
Here are some of the rituals I’ve seen families create:
- Writing a message or letter to their loved one, which they read before scattering the ashes.
- Playing a favorite song that connects them to the person they are saying goodbye to.
- Scattering the ashes with a meaningful item, such as rose petals, seashells, or something that reminds them of a special moment.
In one recent ceremony, a mother and daughter used mini urns to scatter their loved one’s ashes at separate locations. The daughter chose the forest where they used to hike together, while the mother scattered her portion in their garden at home. Both took time to reflect and share memories before scattering the ashes, and later that evening, they came together to talk about their individual experiences. It was a way for them to honor both their personal memories and their shared grief.
4. Bringing Together Personal and Collective Moments
One of the beautiful things about using mini urns is that it allows families to have both personal moments and a shared experience. I’ve seen families use the mini urns for individual ceremonies first, and then come together for a collective scattering in a place that has meaning for the whole family.
For example, one family each took a mini urn to scatter ashes at locations that were meaningful to them personally. Then, they all gathered at their family cabin—a place where they had created many happy memories together—to scatter the final portion of the ashes together. The individual moments gave them time to grieve and reflect on their own, while the collective ceremony brought a sense of closure and unity.
5. Creating a Living Memorial
Sometimes, families will use mini urns to create a living memorial, by combining the ashes with something that continues to grow or live on. I’ve seen families scatter the ashes in a garden, planting flowers or trees to mark the spot, or even incorporate the ashes into a larger, shared memorial space where everyone can visit and feel connected.
One family used their mini urns to scatter the ashes in different parts of their home garden, planting a small tree in each location. Each family member had a part in planting, watering, and caring for the trees, creating a living reminder of their loved one. It’s a simple but powerful way to continue feeling connected to the person who has passed, through nature and growth.
Every family’s journey through grief is unique, and there’s no right or wrong way to say goodbye. At Pachamama Tributes, we believe that using mini urns allows for a deeply personal and flexible way to honor your loved one. Whether through individual ceremonies, shared moments, or creating a lasting memorial in nature, the key is to make the experience meaningful for you and your family.
I hope these ideas help you in creating your own ceremony, one that reflects the love, memories, and connection you shared with the person you are honoring.