Grief is one of the most profound human experiences, and yet, it often feels like one of the hardest to navigate—not just for the person going through it, but for those around them. When someone we care about is grieving, we want to help, we want to say the right thing, we want to take away their pain. But grief isn’t something that can be fixed. It’s something that needs to be felt, carried, and processed in its own time.
I’ve learned, through my own experiences with loss and through my work at Pachamama, that what grieving people need most is presence—not solutions, not platitudes, just the quiet reassurance that they are not alone. If you’re supporting someone who is grieving, here are some ways to show up for them with love and understanding.
Listen More Than You Speak
It’s natural to want to say something comforting, but often, the most meaningful thing we can do is simply listen. Let them talk—about their loved one, about their pain, about memories that feel like they were just yesterday.
You don’t have to have the perfect words. In fact, sometimes there are no words that can make it better. And that’s okay. Instead of trying to find the right thing to say, focus on just being there, holding space for whatever they need to express.
What to say instead of “I know how you feel”
✅ “I’m here for you.”
✅ “I don’t have the right words, but I’m listening.”
✅ “Tell me about them. I’d love to hear their story.”
Avoid phrases like “At least they lived a long life” or “Everything happens for a reason”. Even if they are well-intended, they can feel dismissive of the depth of their loss.
Don’t Try to “Fix” Their Grief
We live in a world that wants to find solutions for everything, but grief is not something that can be solved. It doesn’t have a timeline or a quick fix. Instead of trying to lift their sadness or distract them, allow them to experience their emotions without judgment.
If they cry, let them cry. If they are angry, let them express it. If they want silence, sit with them in it. Being present in their pain is one of the greatest gifts you can offer.
Offer Practical Help
Grief can make even the smallest daily tasks feel overwhelming. Instead of saying, “Let me know if you need anything”, try offering specific ways you can help.
🌿 Bring them food – A nourishing meal can mean the world when they don’t have the energy to cook.
🌿 Help with everyday tasks – Running errands, walking their dog, or tidying up their space can ease some of the weight they’re carrying.
🌿 Accompany them – Invite them for a quiet walk, a cup of tea, or just to sit together without expectations.
The key is to offer help in a way that doesn’t require them to ask—because often, they won’t.
Remember That Grief Doesn’t Have a Timeline
In the first few weeks after a loss, there’s usually an outpouring of support. But as time passes, people return to their routines, while the person grieving is still living with their loss. Check in on them, even months later.
Grief isn’t just about the funeral or the first few weeks without their loved one—it lingers in anniversaries, in birthdays, in small moments that remind them of what they’ve lost.
A simple message like “Thinking of you today” on a significant date can mean everything.
Honor Their Loved One with Them
One of the biggest fears people have after losing someone is that their loved one will be forgotten. Saying their name, sharing a memory, or acknowledging their presence in conversation can be incredibly comforting.
If they mention their loved one, don’t change the subject—lean into it. Ask about them. Grief is love with nowhere to go, and talking about the person they lost is a way to keep that love alive.
You could say:
✅ “I was thinking about [name] today. I remember when they…”
✅ “What was one of your favorite things about them?”
✅ “I’d love to see photos of them, if you ever feel like sharing.”
At Pachamama, I’ve had the privilege of hearing so many families share stories of their loved ones, and I’ve seen how powerful it is to keep those memories alive. Grief doesn’t mean forgetting—it means finding new ways to carry love forward.
Be Patient and Keep Showing Up
Grief changes over time, but it never fully goes away. There will be good days and unbearable days. Sometimes, they might push people away, not because they don’t want support, but because grief is exhausting. Keep showing up anyway.
Even if they don’t always respond, even if they seem distant, knowing that you are there—that your presence is steady—makes a difference.
The Most Important Thing: Just Be There
If you take one thing away from this, let it be this: you don’t have to have the perfect words, the perfect gesture, or the perfect plan. You just have to be there.
Grief is not something to be solved, but it is something that can be witnessed, held, and supported with love. If you’re showing up for someone in their loss, you are already giving them more than you know.
With love and presence,
Virginia