The holidays are meant to be a time of gratitude, joy, and togetherness, but when you’ve recently lost a loved one, those feelings can be hard to access. I’ve seen many families at Pachamama Tributes navigate their first holiday season without someone they hold dear, and one of the most challenging moments is often Thanksgiving. This day, filled with family gatherings, shared meals, and long-standing traditions, can feel incomplete when someone important is no longer there.
But while it’s natural to feel sadness and grief, Thanksgiving can also be an opportunity to honor your loved one and reflect on the memories that continue to live on. Here are some ways to help you and your family move through this difficult day with love, remembrance, and connection.
1. Acknowledge the Empty Space
It’s impossible to ignore the absence of a loved one during Thanksgiving, and trying to pretend everything is normal can often make the pain more difficult to bear. One of the most healing things you can do is to acknowledge their absence openly. Create space to recognize how much they meant to everyone and the gap their loss has left.
Here are a few ways to gently acknowledge the empty space:
- Share a memory before the meal: As everyone gathers at the table, invite family members to share a favorite memory of the person who is no longer with you. It can be something funny, heartwarming, or meaningful—whatever feels natural. This act can bring a sense of connection, reminding everyone that even though they’re gone, their presence is still felt.
- Set a place for them at the table: Some families find comfort in leaving an empty chair at the table or placing a photo of their loved one at their usual spot. This small act can symbolize that, although they’re not physically with you, they are still part of the gathering.
- Light a candle in their memory: Before the meal, you might light a candle in their honor. It can be a quiet way to reflect on the love you shared and offer a moment of peace before the day begins.
Acknowledging the loss, rather than avoiding it, often makes the experience feel more authentic and healing.
2. Adapt Traditions with Meaning
Thanksgiving is usually filled with traditions—favorite dishes, certain activities, and familiar rituals that you’ve shared for years. When someone important is missing, it can feel overwhelming to try and carry on with everything as usual. But rather than avoiding these traditions or pushing through them, consider adapting them in a way that honors your loved one.
Here are a few ways to adjust traditions while still keeping their memory alive:
- Make their favorite dish: If your loved one had a special dish they always brought to the table, consider making it this year. You could even invite family members to help, turning the cooking process into a way of reminiscing and sharing stories. It’s a way to keep their presence alive, even through food.
- Create a new ritual in their honor: If certain traditions feel too difficult to maintain, it’s okay to let them go. Instead, consider creating a new ritual that honors their memory. This could be something simple, like starting the day with a walk in a place that was special to them, or sharing something you’re grateful for about the time you had with them.
- Watch a favorite movie or listen to their favorite music: After the meal, consider sitting together as a family and watching a movie they loved, or playing music that reminds you of them. It can be a way to bring their personality into the day in a comforting, familiar way.
By adapting traditions with intention, you’re not erasing the past—you’re finding ways to bring your loved one into the present moment, even in their absence.
3. Allow Yourself to Feel All Emotions
Thanksgiving, especially the first one without a loved one, can stir up a complex mix of emotions. You might feel sadness, anger, nostalgia, or even moments of joy and laughter. It’s important to remember that all of these feelings are valid. There’s no “right” way to move through the day, and it’s okay if your emotions fluctuate.
Here’s how you can navigate the emotional landscape:
- Give yourself permission to grieve: If tears come, let them. Grief is part of the healing process, and allowing yourself to feel the sadness is a natural response to loss. At the same time, don’t feel guilty if you find moments of laughter or joy—they can coexist with grief.
- Take breaks if needed: If the emotions feel overwhelming at any point, it’s okay to step away for a moment. Go for a short walk, sit in a quiet room, or take a few deep breaths to center yourself.
- Lean on each other: Don’t hesitate to lean on family members or friends during the day. Sometimes, just sharing how you’re feeling with someone else can lighten the emotional load.
Remember that Thanksgiving, like any other day, is part of a larger journey through grief. You don’t have to hold it all together, and there’s no need to pretend you’re okay if you’re not. Let the day unfold as it will, with all its ups and downs.
4. Express Gratitude in Their Honor
Thanksgiving is, at its heart, a day of gratitude. Even in the midst of grief, you can still find moments of thankfulness for the life you shared with your loved one. While it may feel bittersweet, expressing gratitude for their presence in your life can be a powerful way to honor their memory.
Here are some ideas to bring gratitude into the day:
- Share what you’re thankful for about them: During the meal, invite family members to say something they are grateful for about the person who has passed. Whether it’s a life lesson they taught you, the joy they brought into your life, or the memories you cherish, this act of gratitude can bring warmth and connection to the table.
- Create a gratitude jar: Place an empty jar on the table with small pieces of paper. Throughout the day, encourage family members to write down what they are thankful for about the person who has passed. You can read them aloud together at the end of the day or keep them as a keepsake to reflect on in the future.
- Volunteer or give back: Some families find healing in giving back during the holidays. You might choose to volunteer at a shelter, donate to a charity in your loved one’s name, or find another way to spread kindness in their honor. This can turn your gratitude into action, allowing their memory to have a positive impact on others.
By focusing on gratitude, you’re not ignoring the pain of their absence—you’re acknowledging the love they brought into your life and the ways they continue to influence you.
5. Be Gentle with Yourself
Above all, remember to be gentle with yourself. The first Thanksgiving without a loved one will likely be difficult, and it’s okay if it doesn’t go exactly as planned. There’s no need for perfection or forcing yourself to feel anything other than what’s natural. Grief is unpredictable, and it’s important to allow the day to unfold in whatever way feels right for you.
If something doesn’t feel good or if a certain tradition feels too painful this year, it’s okay to step back. Let yourself move through the day with flexibility, leaning on the support of loved ones and trusting that, in time, new ways to honor their memory will emerge.
At Pachamama Tributes, I’ve seen how families find comfort and healing in creating new ways to honor their loved ones, even in the midst of loss. Thanksgiving may feel different this year, and that’s okay. By allowing space for both grief and gratitude, you can find ways to keep their memory alive while also finding moments of peace and connection with those still around the table.
Whether it’s through shared memories, a new ritual, or simply lighting a candle in their honor, I hope you find comfort in knowing that their presence is still with you—woven into the fabric of your family’s traditions, and held close in your heart.